Uh, Honey, Are You Okay?

 "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

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      Ya know, I was warned about the effect hormones would have on my emotions when I got pregnant. I knew that I may cry easier or feel overwhelmed more often, but I have a tissue box, certainly I wouldn't feel like a crazy person...right?...anybody?... I was wrong, lol. It's really awkward to have to explain to someone you barely know..."no, really, I'm fine. Crying because my plans have been changed is a hormonal pregnancy thing, I really am fine." Welcome to the crazy train. You're life becomes a a hectic mess of dodging the dreaded SPCA or St Jude commercials, welling up because someone you don't even know is crying, and feeling like everyone is yelling at you. It's kinda like a more hardcore version of puberty - complete with zits. It's exacerbated my already present anxiety...it's like you're Ralphie from The Christmas Story and bullies Farkus and Grover are magnificently played by your hormones and anxiety. It's a two against one fight. Now, I would like to point out that eventually Ralphie beats the snot out of Farkus and Grover, but it takes a while and it's only after reaching a breaking point. Well, I've hit my breaking point. Yesterday was a really tough day, I felt lost in the throes of ever mounting anxiety, which was constantly finding nourishment in my new found hypersensitivity. It was exhausting, and eventually the continual stress manifested itself in headaches, stomach and chest pain. Enough is enough. Do I accept that, due to perfectly natural reasons, I am going to feel more sensitive and may cry in inappropriate places/situations. Yes. I know that I can't control that. But, do I accept ruminating on situations that I can't control and allowing anxiety to keep a grip on my life? Absolutely not. This body isn't just mine anymore, my baby is growing in here, and it's not fair that he or she is exposed to extra, unneeded stress. That may mean I won't be able to have a squeaky clean house, dinner made every night, or projects completed until this part of my pregnancy passes, but so be it. I'm not going to overwhelm or guilt myself into doing things that I don't have the energy, or stomach, to do that day. And anyone who tries to pressure me beyond what I can handle that day can have the full wrath of my hormones (kidding...or am I?)

      I've thought about some proactive ways to combat my stress, so it doesn't have any negative effects on the baby.

1. Accept my limitations. This will be on a moment by moment basis. I'm a perfectionist. There isn't a single person in the world that can be more critical of my words, actions and projects then myself. I am always searching myself on ways I can improve, and although this helped rocket me to the top of many of my college courses, it can be devastating when applied to the minute details of life. Some days I need to just lay on the couch and rest, just because Susie has a full time career and goes to the gym everyday while five months pregnant doesn't mean I will ever be able to do all that. I am who I am and I need to accept that my needs and body are unique.

2. Whether I want to or not, I need to meditate. Researchers from Harvard Medical School delved into the benefits of meditation, "they found genes that protect from disorders such as pain, infertility, high blood pressure and even rheumatoid arthritis were switched on. The changes, say the researchers, were induced by what they call 'the relaxation effect', a phenomenon that could be just as powerful as any medical drug but without the side effects. 'We found a range of disease-fighting genes were active in the relaxation practitioners that were not active in the control group,'" (Stephens, A. http://foodmatters.tv/articles-1/7-health-benefits-of-meditation). In other words, certain genes are responsive to the environment and mood of the host, and those genes can be turned on or off depending on those variables. Meditation can influence positive, protective genes to turn on. I have chosen to explore meditation by focusing on the Bible. I want to make it my new habit to spend some quite moments in God's Word, and then to focus on how that reading can apply to my life. I'm going to start doing this today.

3. Better lifestyle habits. In the beginning of  pregnancy, you will try anything just to relieve the nausea. If that means having a diet mainly consistent on crackers, candied ginger and tea, you do what you have to do. But as the pregnancy progresses and your food choices expand you may find yourself still, well, stuck. I can't eat solid proteins (steak filet or grilled chicken) or munch on my comfort foods (soups and Italian food). Even salads can be a challenge (unless you forgo any vegetable other then lettuce, carrots and cucumbers...and there isn't any salad dressing). So what do you have left? Breads, sugars, fruits, some veggies, some protein. It's easy start eating unhealthy out of digestive comfort and habit. It's also less time consuming, especially when you're always running on empty. However, to be honest, even typing all this just feels like excuses. I need to come up with a plan on how to turn my eating habits around. I still don't have a lot of options, but I have enough wiggle room where I should be doing better then I am. I also need to put aside a little bit of time every week to exercise, even if it's only stretching.

      Like I said, hormones are hormones and I don't see that changing anytime soon, but I can control my anxiety a little better. Writing has become a really excellent outlet, but I need to forge more weapons against my old, anxious foe. Verse to remember while I'm reining in these emotions: “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:34.