My First Mother's Day

"We never know the love of the parent until we become parents ourselves" -Henry Ward Beecher

      I had high hopes for my first Mother's Day, plans to stroll down the Ocean City boardwalk and bask in the glow of carrying my first child...but God had other plans for me that morning. The start to my first Mother's Day was a scary event. But, I think that's how it tends to go when you put a lot of pressure on a specific occasion, like catching the flu the morning you leave for Disney World or getting food poisoning on Christmas. It's a gentle reminder that you are the not center of the world. I went to sleep fitfully the night before Mother's Day, my neck throbbing with pain, my shoulders aching and my fingers tingling. I was awoken around 6:00am by the pain, which had transformed from a hungry junkyard dog into a frothing monster. The throbbing in my neck had traveled up into my head, ears and jaw. It felt like my nerve endings were frayed spark plugs, electrocuting my tortured muscles. The jaw pain is what scared me the most, since it was so unexpected. It felt as though my jaw was tired and sore, as if I had been chewing on something hard for hours and it left my muscles feeling wasted. The pain shot down my neck into my shoulder blades, and from there into my arms, elbows, hands and fingers, like strands of lightening coursing through my nerves. It was pulsating and unbearable. I couldn't lie in bed, stand up, sit down. There was no escape from the overwhelming ache. I tried standing in a hot shower, allowing the water to drum against my back, Russell spent close to an hour (between the night before and that morning) massaging my back and neck, I just could not find relief. Visions of listeria, meningitis, and tetanus raced through my head, surely I had something incurable and deadly. Otherwise, why would I be in enough agony to become nauseated. I was about to go to the emergency room when my mom took over the show, she had Russell make me a cup of tea, she made me recline against a heating pad, I took a Tylenol, she rubbed my head and we just waited. If the pain continued to get worse, Russ and I would rush to the hospital, if I started to feel better then I would go back to sleep. Slowly, the heating pad worked through the tenderness in my back, and I began to drift in and out of jerky sleep. I eventually called my Aunt Cindy, who's a trauma nurse, and told her about my symptoms. She assured me that if I didn't have a fever or an intense headache that it was probably a problem buried in my muscles and to take 2 Tylenols. My mom encouraged me to continue with my plans for the day, which was to enjoy the fresh air and to allow it to loosen my muscles. I decided to give it a try, and by 1:40pm Russ and I were driving to Ocean City, my body finally able to relax against his car seat, the warm air whipping through my hair and melting my muscles. I'm so glad I went to the beach, it was a beautiful, breezy Jersey day, and it was exactly how I wanted to celebrate my beginnings of motherhood. The pain continued to prick my shoulders and neck, but it was no longer as intense, and I could focus on watching Russell and our little cousins enjoy the rides, I chatted with my family, and enjoyed scarfing down cheese fries and pizza. 

From right to left, starting with the back row: Poppop Johnson, Erwin, Uncle Kevin, Kevin Jr, Mason, Dave, Mom, Russell. Front row: Melanie, Aunt Robin, Granna, me

Mom and Dave

Right side: Russell, Mason, Aunt Robin, Kevin. Left side: Dave, me. We're enjoying pizza at the best pizza place on the boardwalk - Manco and Manco's of course!

       My husband and I were able to stroll down the boardwalk, hand in hand, on the first Mother's Day I could celebrate as an expecting mother. It was wonderful. I truly am so happy I went. The pain has come and gone since May 11th, but it hasn't been nearly as intense as it was that morning. After that experience Russ and I decided to take some aggressive, holistic approaches to my pregnancy health. Russell surprised me with a one hour pre-natal massage at my favorite spa as my Mother's Day gift (talk about God being in control, the worst muscle pain in my pregnancy coinciding with a massage certificate, I can see God in so many details of my life). I also started seeing my old chiropractor again, Dr. Ledden, who assured me that the pain I was experiencing can definitely be traced back to my spinal alignment being out of wack, due to my pregnancy. Apparently, as your pregnancy progresses your muscles and bones relax, that way your growing belly can have room to expand, this is great for the baby but it can be painful for the mama-to-be. She said that the most we can hope for is that I can become more comfortable, but I shouldn't expect to be pain free until Giavonna is born. I'm thinking some appointments with an acupuncturist and some light exercise may help keep anymore painful episodes away. I don't know, I guess we'll see.

      Either way, I'm thankful to be pregnant. This journey is going to be completely worth every stretch mark when Gia is able to take her first breath. 

I'm Back!!!

 "A mother's joy begins when new life is stirring inside... when a tiny heartbeat is heard for the very first time, and a playful kick reminds her that she is never alone."
- Author Unknown

Hi Everyone!

      It's been a while since I last wrote! To be honest, the reason I've been so foot loose and fancy free (and neglecting my blog) is because I have started to feel like the old Ashley again. The morning sickness and energy crashes that the first trimester brought have since dissipated, and have been replaced with a fresh burst of enthusiasm for life and this pregnancy. So, to put it bluntly, I stopped writing because I woke up one morning, looked around my house and thought, wow, I'm living like a pig! Where did all those dishes in the sink come from? Why does the laundry pile look tall enough to be a fort? I was finally able to shake the cobwebs off my feet and start taking back control over the condition of my house, the groceries in my refrigerator, and the goals I had for this pregnancy. Now that I feel more caught up with my life, I feel ready to sit down and update all you lovely readers on the past month, and how I'd feeling today.

      First off, may I say, no...shout from the rooftops, that I absolutely love the second trimester! I seriously feel like I could be Julie Andrews from the Sound of Music in that classic scene when she's skipping through the fields of flowers and singing, that's how much I adore this phase of pregnancy. The nausea has subsided, and in it's wake are a few bouts of acid reflux at night, which can be quelled by munching on pineapple (who would have thought? When my midwife told me to replace Zantac with pineapple I was skeptical but it really does work!). My energy has mostly returned, and with it came my drive to take back the pride I had in the condition of my home. My hormonal moments are still present, but it's made me take notice of a softer side to my personality, one that tears up while reading a love note left by my husband, one that appreciates the goodness and sadness in life with a fresh perspective. It's become quite beautiful. Some new symptoms have arisen: headaches that pierce the back of my eyes and temples, a burning sensation as my belly stretches into a more accommodating home for our little one, back aches, nose bleeds, and trouble sleeping. But, to be honest with you, I've come to accept these symptoms as part of the process, and that acceptance has brought an abundance of peace and joy. I can't express how happy Russ and I were to finish the first trimester and realize that the most unstable part of pregnancy had passed, that the chances of miscarrying were substantially lowered, and that we could spend more time admiring this little person moving and squiggling within me.

      I have physically changed quite a bit in the past month or so since I last wrote. My stomach has begun to resemble the sun, round and warm, and within it is a growing earth (my, aren't I poetic today?). Here are some pictures of this transformation from week 14 until week 17:

    
      I'm not the only one who has changed! Russ and I's little peanut has grown into a small person. The baby now has bones, eyes that can register light, the ability to hear, and...my favorite new attribute...a big enough presence for me to feel when he/she moves. The baby absolutely loves his/her father's voice, and Russ and I often marvel at how much our child moves when Russell is reading our night time devotion to my belly. For those of you who've never experienced pregnancy, I'll try to describe what it feels like when your child is dancing within your womb...it's often compared to butterfly wings, fluttering within you. That's exactly how my mother described her pregnancy. Although this is true, it's a little abstract. What it reminds me of is that moment when you've reached the top of a hill before a huge drop on a roller coaster, and your coaster suddenly tips forward and sends you hurling towards the earth...that feeling in your belly of everything lifting and turning, it's kinda like that. It's a surreal experience. Here's an updated picture of the baby at 15 weeks, 4 days, with a heart beat of 148 beats/min (although this has fluctuated since this picture, and is often in the 150 range).

      Isn't our baby sweet! Look at that nose! That nose is a mix of Russ and Dougie. And that chin is my husband all the way. Oh I cannot wait until the end of the month, when we get our next ultrasound. I'm so excited to see more of that face!!

      So, you are now updated on my life. I'll write again soon to dive into some of my recent realizations, but for now, I'll leave on this high note =)